Thriving with Kindness

Here we are, in the middle of mental health awareness week, in the middle of a global pandemic. 

Dare I ask; How are you today?  Not a ‘how are you’ that implies a ‘fine’ response, but really, ‘how are you today?  Your honest reply will be a mirror of what is going on in your mind; your mental well-being.  Our new normal is one of volatility, uncertainty and unpredictability, daily.  These are not natural friends of mental well-being.  Feeling out of control in unknown territory can drive our primitive brain into survival mode, preparing us to fight or flee from a threat, and increasing conditions such as anxiety, stress and depression. 

There are multitude of factors that influence our mental health and how we react to situations; our upbringing, family, friends past and present, work, income, diet, physical activity, fitness, and our personality traits. I’m sure you, like me, have tried to work on these with differing degrees of success. I have tried changing them all at some point.  Don’t get me wrong, they are important considerations in our mental health but they feel like an overwhelming to-do list of things to fix.  I then came to the realisation that all (as far as I’m aware) of our mental health challenges are united by one thing; our brain’s automatic switch into overdrive and over analysing our world.  Anxiety stems from our brain being too stimulated worrying about the future, and depression from over analysing ruminating on the past. Their similarity is that our mind is somewhere else, and not where we are.

This year’s mental health awareness week theme is kindness. 

Acts of kindness have blossomed in the midst of the pandemic.  You may have fetched food or medication for neighbours in lockdown, said ‘hello’ to complete strangers on your daily exercise, bought more local to keep small, independent stores alive, or perhaps volunteered for one of the many groups that have sprung up.  But I wonder how many of you have shown acts of kindness to yourself?

I know from harsh experience this is one of the hardest things to do. 

It is a courageous act that is too easy to avoid.  Just being with ourselves and listening to our deepest needs can be a scary prospect, and at the bottom of a long to-do list of work, parenting, families and friends to show up for, to be kind for.  I have found myself in the dark hole of serving so many expectations, and others, that I couldn’t serve me.  It took me a while to realise that the most radically kind act I could give to others, was to first show kindness to myself.  Self-kindness is anything but selfish and indulgent.

“You have to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help others”.

For the past decade I’ve discovered being kinder to myself is not always perfect, and it doesn’t always happen, but over the days, weeks, months and years it has grown.  You just have to start somewhere. 

Changing my mindset had the biggest impact. 

To be able to respond to uncertain, fearful, volatile moments in ways that better support my mental well-being was a game changer.  To support mental health awareness week I have produced a free pdf ‘Surviving to Thriving Mindset’, to receive your free download subscribe at www.loafspark.com.  Oh, and this isn’t just informed by personal experience alone, in my quest to find self-kindness and mental well-being, I studied an MSc in Psychological Therapies too.  So, take a look and show up to self-kindness today.